Blonde Jokes

A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian said, "We were the first in space!" The American said, "So, we were the first on the Moon!" The Blonde said, "So what! We're going to be first on the Sun!" The Russian and American looked at each other and shook their heads. "You can't land on the Sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian. To which the blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!"

A blond, brunet and a redhead take a lie detector test. They hook up the redhead and ask her what is the capital of Germany? She says I think its Moscow Beep They hook up the brunet and ask her whats the capital of Germany she says i think its New York Beep They hook up the blond and ask her what is the capital of Germany she says........ I think Beep.

A blonde phone police to report that thieves had been in her car. "They've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the accelerator," she cried. However, before the police investigation could start, the phone rang a second time and the same voice came over the line. "Never mind, I got in the back seat by mistake."

There were these two Canadians vacationing in Mississippi. On the highway they pass a sign that says you are now entering cashinaflash. The two get into a fight about how to pronounce it a decide to stop for lunch. They walk into a resteaunt and go up to the blond cashier and say, "Before we order I want you to slowly pronounce the name of this place." The blond leans over the counter and says, "Buuurrr-guurrr Kiiiinnnggg."

Two blondes, Carol and Sandi, were walking down the street. Carol noticed a compact on the sidewalk and leaned down to pick it up. She opened it, looked in the mirror and said, "Hmmm, this person looks familiar." Sandi said, "Let me look!" So Carol handed her the compact. Sandi looked in the mirror and said, "You dummy, it's me!"

A Blonde and a Brunette are working together, when a flowerboy brings the Brunette some flowers. She quickly scans the card, and says, "Dang. It's from my boyfriend. Now I'll have to spend the whole weekend with my legs in the air." The blonde, puzzled asks,"What's the matter, don't you have a vase?"

Why do blondes wear green lipstick?
Because red means stop!

One day a blond got a new car for her 18th b-day. While she was taking it out for a spin she cut off a trucker. The trucker signalled her to pull over so she did. He said, " get out of the car ma'am" So she did. He then drew a circle in the road + said "if u step out of this circle i will hurt you." So she went in the circle. He took his pocket knife + slashed her new lether seat covers and she started to laugh a little. He said " do u think that's funny?!?!?!?" So he took the knife + slashed her tires. Then she started to laugh a little more, then finally he got so fed up that he took a blow torch + scorched her car. By then she was rolling on the grond laughing. He said , " I just wrecked your new sports car so why r u laughing??" " when ever u turned around", said the blond," I stepped out of the circle! Ha, hah, ha!!!!!"

WHY DOESNT A BLONDE TALK WHILE HAVING SEX?
BECAUSE HER MOTHER SAID NEVER TO TALK TO STRAINGERS

What do you call a dead blonde in the closet?
A hide and seek champion.

Q: How does a blonde turn on the light after sex?
A: Opens the car door.

There were these guys in a bar and they were talking about how dumb bloneds are and a blonde walks in and says that they are not dumb and the men said prove it by coming back tomorrow and naming the captial of any state in the us he wanted and the blonde said sure. So she went home and studied all night long and went back to the bar the next night and said "ask me". The guy asked what was the captial of Florida and the blonde answered "F"

There was a brunette at a train station, repeating the number 21. Then a blonde goes up to her and asks her what is she doing. The brunette doesn't answer. Then a train comes and runs over the blonde. Then the brunette repeats the number 22, over and over again.

A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking. After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!" The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!"
Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator. Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home, when he spots the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he sees a huge 9 foot alligator swimming quickly toward her.
She takes aim, kills the creature and with a great deal of effort hauls it on to the swamp bank. Laying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watches in amazement. Just then the blonde flips the alligator on it's back, and frustrated, shouts out, "Darn it, this one
isn't wearing any shoes either!"

WHY DO BLONDES WHERE HOOPED EAR RINGS?
SO THEY HAVE SOME PLACE TO REST THEIR LEGS

There was a blonde taking lessons to fly a helicopter and she was done with all of her ground work and was ready to fly. The instructor said take it up 1000 feet so she takes it 1000 feet levels it off; so the instructor said take it up 2000 feet so she takes it 2000 feet levels it off. The instructor says hmmmm, what they say about these blondes isn't really true (not out loud). So he says take it up 3000 so she takes it up 3000 feet levels it off and they start falling and falling and crash. And the instructor says what happened you were doing just fine? She says well I got cold so I turned off the overhead fan.

What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you?
Run because she has a grenade in her mouth.

What Blondes Think
- After eating, do amphibians have to wait one hour before getting out of the water?
- How can there be self-help "groups"?
- If someone has a mid-life crises while playing hide & seek, does he automatically lose because he can't find himself?
- Instead of talking to your plants, if you yelled at them, would they still grow, but only to be troubled and insecure?
- Just "before" someone gets nervous, do they experience cocoons in their stomach?
- When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their picket signs?
- When you open a new bag of cotton balls, is the top one meant to be thrown away?
- When your pet bird sees you reading the newspaper, does he wonder why you're sitting there, staring at carpeting?
- Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"?
- Why do they report power outages on TV?
- I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter.
- I'm taking Lamaze classes. I'm not having a baby, I'm just having trouble breathing.
- Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.
- There's a fine line between fishing & just standing on the shore like an idiot.
- What a nice night for an evening.
- Why, in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?
- My girlfriend is weird. She asked me, "If you could know how and when you were going to die, would you want to know?" I said, "No." She said, "Okay, then forget it."
- When I was in high school, I got in trouble with my girlfriend's Dad. He said, "I want my daughter back by 8:15." I said, "The middle of August? Cool!"