REDNECK ETIQUETTE
*Taste*
Never take a beer to a job interview.
Always identify people in your yard before shooting at
them.
It's considered tacky to take a cooler to church.
*Hygiene*
If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the
sheets.
Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it
is still considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral
home.
Do not allow the dog to eat at the table...no matter how
good his manners are.
While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that
should be done in private using one's OWN truck keys.
Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as
they tend to detract from a women's jewelry and alter the
taste of finger foods.
*Dating* (Outside the Family)
Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the
first date.
Be aggressive. Let her know you're interested: "I've been
wanting to go out with you since I read that stuff on the
bathroom wall two years ago."
Establish with her parents what time she is expected back.
Some will say 10:00 P.M.; Others might say "Monday." If the
latter is the answer, it is the man's responsibility to get
her to school on time.
*Theater Etiquette*
Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up
immediately after the movie has ended.
Refrain from talking to characters on the screen. Tests
have proven they can't hear you.
*Weddings*
Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift.
Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot.
For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with a
cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can create a tacky
appearance.
Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks and shoes for this
special occasion.
*Driving Etiquette*
When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the
largest tires always has the right of way.
Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.