PUNishment

1. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. When they lit a fire in the
craft it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and
heat it too.

2. Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and
became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and
never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, was known as the lesser
of two weevils.

3. A three-legged dog walked into a saloon in the Old West. He slid up to
the bar and announced "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."

4. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused his dentist's Novocaine
during root canal work? He wanted to transcend dental medication.

5. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in
the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an
hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But
why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand
chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."

6. A man entered his local paper's pun contest. He sent in ten different
puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately,
no pun in ten did.

7. A woman had twins, and gave them up for adoption. One of them went to a
family in Egypt and was named Amahl. The other went to a family in Spain;
they named him Juan. Years later, Juan sent a picture of himself to his
mother. Upon receiving the picture, she told her husband that she wished
she also had a picture of Amahl. Her husband responded,"But they are
twins--if you've seen Juan, you've seen Amahl."

And the worst of the bunch:

8. Some friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a
small florist shop to raise the funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers
from the "men of God," the rival florist across town thought the
competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they
would not. He went back and begged the friars to
close. They ignored him. He asked his mother to ask the friars to get out
of business. They ignored her, too. So the rival florist hired Hugh
MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them
to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back
if they didn't close shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving.....

(Brace yourself.)

That Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.