Real Idiots

WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP??
AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months saying he lacked
intellectual leadership. He received a $26 million severance package.
Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence.

WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS!
Police in Oakland, California spent two hours attempting to subdue a
gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten
tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing
beside them, shouting out to give himself up.

WHAT WAS PLAN B???
An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist and
forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines. The
kidnapper then proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank account.

SOME DAYS, IT JUST DOESN'T PAY!
Fire investigators on Maui have determined the cause of a blaze that
destroyed a $127,000 home last month - a short in the homeowner's
newly installed fire prevention alarm system. "This is even worse
than last year," said the distraught homeowner, "when someone broke in
and stole my new security system."

THE GETAWAY!
A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Shop and asked for all the
money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small so he
tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three
hours until police showed up and grabbed him.

DO-IT-YOURSELF BRAIN SURGERY??
In Ohio, an unidentified man in his late twenties walked into a
police station with a 9-inch wire protruding from his forehead and calmly
asked officers to give him an X-ray to help him find his brain, which
he claimed had been stolen. Police were shocked to learn that the
man had drilled a 6-inch deep hole in his skull with a Black & Decker
power drill and had stuck the wire in his head to try and find the missing
brain.

DID I SAY THAT???
Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just
couldn't control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each
man in the lineup to repeat the words, "Give me all your money or
I'll shoot", the man shouted, "That's not what I said!"

ARE WE COMMUNICATING??
A man spoke frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant and her
contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?"
the doctor asked. "No, you idiot!" The man shouted. "This is her
husband!"

NOT THE SHARPEST KNIFE IN THE DRAWER!!
In Modesto, CA, Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to hold
up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb
and a finger to simulate a gun but unfortunately he failed to keep his
hand in his pocket.

FINAL WORD...
Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down
to their level, then beat you with experience