Things to Say at a Job Interview

See photo of interviewer's family on desk, point,
start laughing uncontrollably.

Ask if there is only one emergency exit, grin and
say; 'Boy!, I bet this floor would be in trouble
if someone barricaded that.'

Constantly fidget with underwear waistband, then
blurt: 'The strawberry ones are the stickiest,
don't ya' think?'

After detailing your greatest achievement, qualify
with, 'Of course I was totally hammered at the
time.'

Inquire on office policy of friends staying over.

Claim you wouldn't even need a sit-in' job if Al
Einstein hadn't stolen your secret patent for-
'2000 Flushes'

Over-emphasize your ability to use a copier.

Ask if it's O.K. that you sit on the floor.

Allow that you would little impact on the overhead
budget, because you swiped all the supplies from
your other job.

Although parking was free, insist that they
validate something or you're not leaving.

Mention your resume would have been stronger, but
you didn't feel like making anything else up.

Ask secretary if she'll sit on your lap during
interview.

Walk into interviewers office with a tape measure,
measure office from a few angles, put away,
declare; 'NOW we can begin.'

When making small talk and the Simpson trial comes
up, shout; You mean Homer and Marge are in some
kind of trouble?' run out of room.

Sniff two of your fingers hold out toward
interviewer, ask; 'smell these, these smell funny
to you???'

Upon walking in to the office for first time ask
reception to hold all your calls.