What Have We Tought Our Catholic Children?

I recived this list of actualy quotes of students in a Catholic Church from a teacher of mine. To all people who are not Catholic: I am very sorry for any quotes against you, this is not anybodys personal feeling but what they tink the teachers have tought them. Hint, hint: This is what they thought the teachers told them. I hope you enjoy these little quotes as much as I did. One other quick note; all theses following quotes are belived to have come from actual children in one or more real schools.

"In the first book of the Bible Guinness; God got tired of creating the world, so He took the Sabbath off. Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark. Noah built an ark which the animals came on to in pears. Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night

"The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with the unsympathetic Genitals

Samson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by Jezebel like Delilah. Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the apostles.

"Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread, which Is bread made without any ingredients. The Egyptians were all drowned in the desert. Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the Ten Amendments. The First Commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple. The Fifth Commandment was to humor thy father and mother. The Seventh Commandment is thou shall not admit adultery. Moses died before he ever reached Canada. Then Joshua led the Hebrew in the battle of Geritol. The greatest miracle In the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.

David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fought with the Finklesteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times. Solomon, one of David's sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.

When Mary heard that she was the mother of Jesus she sang the Magna Carta. When the three wise guys from the East Side arrived, they found Jesus in the manager. Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption. St John, the Black smith, dumped water on his head. Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which was: to do one to others before they do one to you. He also explained, 'man doth not live by sweat alone.' It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tomb stone off the entrance. The people who followed Jesus were called the 12 decibels. The epistles were the wives of the apostles. One of the opossum was St. Matthew who was by profession a taximan.

"St Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage. A Christian should nave only one spouse."